Sleepless Nights
by somewhereinthedreams
Summary: Paige has trouble sleeping after she burns Mike. Set after Season 3: Episode 1, "B-Positive."


A/N: Tonight technically ends the ficathon, but there will be one more post tomorrow. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

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She couldn't sleep.

It felt like she hadn't slept in months. Eleven days to be exact. Ever since that day she made that fateful decision to burn Mike. The unthinkable happened and Sid found Mike and killed him. But then a miracle happened and Mike was alive.

Charlie told her over and over again that Mike had been asking for her while he was in the hospital but she hadn't wanted to see him. Part of her hoped that Charlie was convinced Mike needed to see her and that she lied about Mike asking for her. Then Jakes mentioned Mike asking about her. If Jakes mentioned it, it had to be true. And that made her feel a million times worse than she already did.

She hadn't been able to face him. Hadn't known what to say. How to apologize. Beg forgiveness.

She thought tonight would've fixed things. That Sid would be behind bars. And if her life was the price to put him behind bars, so be it. But Mike felt differently. He showed up and saved her when she didn't deserve to be saved. He owed her _nothing_ , but he saved her. Even worse, he forgave her. How could he forgive her when she couldn't even forgive herself?

Paige wandered to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, hoping that would help her sleep. Hoping it would quiet the voices in her head. Mike's voice. Lina's voice.

She glanced in the living room out of habit and froze when she saw Mike asleep on the couch. He was sleeping on his side, no doubt to provide him maximum comfort and to prevent him from sleeping on his stitches and accidentally pulling one. That was if he hadn't earlier when she pushed him. She was ashamed at herself for lashing out at him. He had been trying to save her life, but she didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve him putting himself on the line for her. Not after what she did.

Before she could stop herself, Paige found herself making her way to the living room and staring at Mike. Her eyes immediately drifted to his chest, and she was fascinated with watching him breathe. He was alive. Breathing.

It was rare that she got a chance to watch him sleep. And now that she had the opportunity, she felt like she could stare at him forever. She could watch him and see that he was okay and not have to deal with being ashamed to meet his gaze.

It had only been eleven days, but Mike looked different. His hair was longer. He hadn't shaved. He was well past the scruff stage and entering beard territory. Definitely not the clean cut rookie from last summer. That was for sure. But she had changed too.

But despite everything, she was still drawn to him. The things that they did to each other, there was no coming back from them. She wanted to find a way to fix things even if it was hopeless. She knew exactly where she needed to start, but it seemed impossible to make that first step.

Paige moved his pain pills and sat down on the coffee table across from him. "I'm sorry," Paige whispered, her voice barely audible. "I'm so sorry for what I did. For this. For everything. For not being able to forgive you. What I did - that's not something you should do to someone you love."

She had been over that day hundreds of times since then and she still couldn't believe how she had gotten to a place where she thought Mike had to pay with his life.

What was wrong with her? What Mike did to her - lying about Lina was horrible, for so many reasons. But for her to think that he deserved to die?

Paige blinked back tears and swiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Paige whispered. "You said you forgive me, I don't deserve it. Even if - even if you still love me."

What she said didn't count if she didn't say it to him when he was awake. And she couldn't. Not yet. Not until she could look him in the eye without crying. She didn't want him comforting her. She didn't deserve it. But knowing Mike, that was exactly what he would do.

Paige froze when Mike stirred slightly and murmured her name. She held her breath as he shifted a little and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't wake up.

She wasn't ready to face him yet. As soon as she figured out a way to fix things, she would.

Paige watched him sleep for a few more moments, hoping that his sleep was peaceful, because hers was anything but. She resisted the urge to touch him, not just because she didn't want to disturb him but because she had given up that right. That even though she still felt like she was _his_ , he wasn't hers anymore.

Paige carefully eased herself up from the coffee table, being sure not to make any noise as she left. She glanced over her shoulder one last time as she wandered upstairs to her room, her tea long forgotten.

Later, Mike slowly opened his eyes, looking around in confusion. The living room was empty, but he had a hazy memory of Paige's voice.

He was positive Paige would be here, but she was nowhere in sight. Out of reach, as usual. Ignoring him like she had been for weeks. He just wished she'd talk to him. Spend more than 2 seconds with him. Give him a chance to explain. Let her know he forgave her. He didn't know how things spiraled out of control so quickly. His actions had been deliberate. Intentional. He lied to her for months. What she did - she lashed out in anger. Not that it excused it, but finding out he was lying completely broke her. Broke her faith in him. In them. It destroyed her and she chose to destroy him.

He knew Paige. Knew that she was drowning in guilt. He didn't want that for her. He messed things up in so many ways. But he knew that was one thing he could help with if she would only let him.

Mike sighed and rested his hand over his eyes. What the hell was he doing? Everything he had done since returning to Graceland had been a mistake. He handled everything wrong. Being in charge. Lying. Being obsessive. He was a failure. He broke Paige. Ruined any chance they had of being together.

Mike gently placed his hand on his side. The pain was flaring up. He reached out for his pain pills and groaned when he came up empty handed. He grimaced slightly as he sat up to look for his pills. He left them so he could reach them, there was no way he would've put them at the end of the coffee table. Mike sat up to reach for his pills and stared at the mug on the edge of the table. That definitely hadn't been there before. Someone had been here.

He reached past the mug for his bottle of pills and felt the warmth emanating from the mug.

His lips curved into the smallest of smiles. Only one person in the house drank tea to fall asleep.

Paige.

THE END


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